The #1 thing I wish all coaches knew
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We go after our dreams with a negativity bias
How often have you gone after an important goal and thought to yourself, “This won’t work out…”? We often go after the things we really want with this belief. So, we don’t get our hopes up. We go through the motions. We do what we’re supposed to do. All the while, we have this feeling in our gut, this discomfort that just makes us feel all sorts of self doubt and insecurity.
And, why do we say things won’t work out? I promise you, it’s not because we’re psychics. It’s because we’ve been conditioned to think this way.
Our minds are geared towards the negative. This is what is called the Negativity Bias.
We have been conditioned to choose the future where we always lose. We would rather be surprised if things work out than go in believing that they will. So, our minds search for the negative - negative outcomes, negative news, negative results.
And truly, this is because of biology. Our ancestors had to pay attention to the bad, the dangerous, the negative threats. It was literally a matter of life and death. We’ve also been raised in a society that really doubles down on this. This is especially true if you come from a background in which things weren’t really safe or secure, a background with trauma, a historically marginalized community. In these cases, things like hope, faith, and trust do not feel comfortable.
So, when we get into mindset work, the first step is becoming aware of your current mindset. As you become aware of all these factors outside of yourself that have conditioned you to think negatively, I want you to release some of the shame, the blame, and the guilt you’re holding against yourself.
You’re thinking so negatively because that is what has been reinforced and shown to you. That’s what you heard in your family. That’s what society told you. That is what your deep ancestral lineage has embedded within you.
What happens when we choose negative thoughts.
We would rather choose a future where we lose and would rather just be surprised if we don’t. We believe if we choose the future where we lose, we won’t be hurt or disappointed if we do. But, here’s the truth: we’re still hurt when it doesn’t work out. We’re still disappointed because deep down, we really wanted this thing to happen.
Listen, love — expecting the worst doesn’t make it any less painful, any less hurtful, or any less disappointing. When we expect the worst, we take the entire enjoyment out of the process and the results. It’s like a rollercoaster ride. You get on thinking it’s going to crash. The entire ride your eyes are closed, your body is tensed up, you’re bracing yourself for the crash. So, once you’re at the end, you realize… it didn’t crash. And… I missed out on all the fun.
Now, before we really get into mindset work, I want to tell you this: you can also achieve things with a really negative mindset. It’s true. We can achieve amazing things thinking it’s never going to work out. I know this to be true because it’s happened in my life. But even though I achieved really amazing things, I was miserable. I was exhausted. I would get to my goal or my dream and just feel… ok.
Want to know why? When you expect the worst, you’re robbing yourself of joy and ease during the process and in the end results.
Related: 84 | Leveling Up For Your Dreams
To me, the most powerful of these phrases is the “I accept that…” phrase. It really allows you to acknowledge and honor where you are today and it allows you to move beyond. This phrase can also sound like…
Even though white supremacy may say that I do not belong in certain spaces, I know that I belong exactly where I am.
I accept that it is so scary to take this leap, but I know that my dreams are on the other side of my fear.
Can you feel the difference? Can you feel the shift? The Faith over Fear Formula will let you know when you have found your thought. Your body will just have a shift, a reaction that just feels right.
And love, this is mindset work.
This is the mindset work that transforms lives, that makes dreams come true. They’re not the thoughts you’re going to find on posters or a pillow at Home Goods, but they are the thoughts that are going to get you to your dreams in a way where there is joy and ease and grace.
So love, this is the mindset work that helps you truly achieve your dreams. If you do not believe that you can make your dreams a reality or that you deserve for them to happen, it’s going to be really difficult to make them happen.
I encourage you, love, to practice this Faith over Fear Formula and see what happens. See what comes up for you. I want all your dreams coming true with joy, ease, and grace.
And, if this is really resonating with you and you’d love to have support from me just like this 3 times a month, I encourage you to join me in The Alchemy Collective. Doors close April 29th and you can find out more here.
Until next time, love.
